I cannot describe the amazingness last 12 hours. I’ve tapped into a source of sexual power recently. I have been having amazing, grounded exchanges with men (my motto is: “sexual energy is just energy”)–full-on equitable & utterly nourishing intimacies that are largely facilitated by my ability to come fully to ground, fully to body, fully facing and reflecting and allowing and guiding. It’s truly beautiful, not only the closeness, but the ease of the interactions and the almost altered state of utter wholeness and solidity that I move into in moments. This morning, I took my shirt off & laid on the bed for our morning discussion and at least five people had their hands continuously on my back for an hour, rubbing and wriggling and caressing me back to steadiness. I am so good at taking care of myself these days & somehow my receiving was a gift to the givers as well & my body coalesced the usual ambivalence & ambiguity, enabling incredibly passionate dialogue where there is usually stuckness and blah blah. Many hours later, after a long day of less delightful intensities, I had a pain crisis that I didn’t advertise & (G) came and sat beside me and I relaxed into his gentle touch & then returned it, and when we had reached a conclusion, I went up to his wife and wrapped my hands around her waist and for forty-five minutes we were engaged in this gentle yet grounded dance of touching and hugging and then kissing (!?). And after all this intimacy with them individually, I got to watch them close the day with an incredibly sexy and intimate dance, with (E) embracing her feminine power, which is something she’s only recently discovering. I’m telling you people: the guy-girl-me dynamic might just be my thing. I am reveling in my lack of expectations, my presence, my vigor.

Oh, and I gave an informative lecture about butt sex during lunch.

Anyway, I haven’t slept in 36+ hours & my legs aren’t really working at this point, but damn damn damn.